Monday, July 13, 2009

Day 7- The Nightmare

~Sometime in the Morning
I had a good night sleep last night, well kinda. Monkey slept in till 0630 and ate a bottle and went back to bed. But I had a nightmare. Its prob my first of many. It was so vivid, like I could feel his cold skin when I was touching his lifeless arm. They always say you won't get a middle of the night phone call about something bad, but in this dream it was bad news. He was being flown to a hospital in Germany and that I should get there as soon a possible bc he may not make it through the night. I prayed and prayed he would survive the night so I could at least say my final good bye. I arrived in at the hospital in Germany not a moment too soon. I held his hand and kissed his cheek. I told him that I loved him and that it was ok to let go. His girls love him and his country is proud of him. I felt his hand lightly squeeze mine as if to say I love you, and he was gone... Like I said it was so real I am crying about it now. I won't get into details but I have had bad dreams become reality, one possibly saved my family from a shark attack in FL when I was little. Now all thanks to Walmart not having service inside, I cannot talk to him until tomorrow. Its soooo upsetting. Makes me want to stay home for the rest of deployment so I don't have to worry about having no service. That's what they did before cell phones right?

Sometime in the evening before 5pm.
I had a small moment of joy this evening. I was taking the girls for a jog and we decided to stop at the park. I put both kiddos in the "baby" swings as we call them and was happily pushing them both. When suddenly I realized, this is the same spot where hubby asked me out, and we shared our first kiss, and spent many countless nights talking for hours. I stand there and look at my beautiful girls and realize how far we have come, both as a couple and as a family. Joe and I have had many rough patches, some I honestly didn't think we'd make it through. But here I was with our two happy children and I am more in love with him then ever before, even though he is not here in person, he will always be with us in spirit. I am posting the two pics I took of them and hope he reads this and it puts a smile on his face.

I must confess... I have started a diet. Omg! Yes me! I need to lose at least 20 lbs... Hopefully before Aug 13, but I will settle for 10 buy that date. When he comes home on pass and we get family portraits done, I want to be proud of them, not hide them in a box. I am attempting the special K diet. And adding in more exercise then ever before. Eating a lot more fresh fruits and veggies and staying away from soda and junk food. Too bad my fridge leaks... I have to have my water ice cold!! Oops gotta run, Monkey is happily chewing on a leaf... What a silly baby!

1 comment:

  1. Hey... if you want to do weight watchers, let me know. I bought a 3 month online pass, and I can share it with you, and you can use the points calulator and all the site info, and then track your points on paper. I have lost 8 lbs in 4 weeks, and I only followed it half assed!!!