Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!!

And a ba-humbug to me... Its my birthday. Yay... Not! I hate my birthday. I am soo not looking forward to facing the day ahead. But I will! I will paste a smile on my face and unhappily accept the happy birthdays.

I am looking forward to take the littles trick or treating tonight. I love seeing them all dressed up. And I love getting Chevy all pretty.

well a special happy halloween to the 747 and my husband especially! I hope you enjoy that jumbo bag of sour patch kids I sent you!! I will post pics of the littles in the next couple of days. Be safe, be well, and eat candy!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

just a thanks

I am deep in the whirlwind I call my life in the fall, between birthdays, holidays and fall activities, I don't get too much time to myself. Its ok though, I like it better that way. We have well past the 100 day marker!! Yay!!!

Just wanted to put a quick thanks out to all of our troops all over the world. a special thanks to the members of the 747, your always in my prayers!! Your sacrifice and service means to world to all of us here in the states. We love and support everything you do. Freedom is NOT FREE and you know that better then most.




Sunday, October 11, 2009

I talked to the love of my life today! My other half, my hubby :-) I am very excited about this. It was so good to hear his voice. Sometimes it feels like a tease, like a glimpse at something I can't have. But today was not like that. Today was wonderful. It was a happy call, and the quality was clear as day! We talked about his birthday gifts to Peanut. I can't wait to see them!! I won't discuss it now, but I will be sure to post pics when she sees them! I have officially decided my birthday is not happening this year. I will turn 22 like the calendar says, but there will be NO gifts, NO celebration. NOTHING! And those who do, will be forced to pay a price.
Tonight was interesting, still is. I am babysitting my friends 2 year old. Now that usually wouldn't be a problem, but I am alone in a small hotel room with nothing but goldfish, grapejuice and megablocks. With 3 kids under 5. YIKES! It was ok for the 1st cpl hours. Then the cabin fever set in. So I decided to take a drve around A. To kill time and B. To find some fast food place with an indoor play place. I found one after 20 min, thank you Garmin! So I let the two "older" ones play around as I fed monkey grapes, yogurt and some chicken. Peanut got stuck waay at the top, bc she was too scared to go down the slide!! The first time she went, she bumped her elbow, so she was afraid to do it again. Poor thing. I feltt so bad. Now I normally would have climb up to get her, but with monkey in my arms and another 2 year old running around, that just wasn't happening! Thankfully after about 20 min of her crying some nice guys asked their girls to try and help her down and they did. What a releif!

Well here I sit, another day has passed and we are all alive and well. 96 days down! Yay!! Only another 300 and something to go...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I woke up this morning, and told myself today is a new day! Today I WILL be HAPPY! Didn't get to talk to hubs yesterday, but that's ok. Seriously, I am completely ok with that. Its better that way. It makes the calls I do get mean more... The day the mailman brings ME something postmarked from Iraq will be the day my jaw hits the floor. But... That's another rant, I am being HAPPY today remember?
We have some fun things planned this weekend, and I am very excited about this. Right now I am waiting for a very good friend to come out from her embryo transfer! I am soo nervous for her, but I have all the faith in the world that this will result in a baby, if not 2! I feel bad that she has to go through this without her husband (he's with Hubs) but its for the best. He's gonna be a daddy soon, and that's very exciting!! I am just glad I can be there for her. And if she has a rough pregnancy, I will be there too.

After this is over, the girls and I are heading out to the wild wild west, aka the other side of the state! Heading to spend the weekend with another army wife and her lil girl. We are doing some fall activites this afternoon, and tonite after the wee ones are off to dreamland, we will continue to watch Sex and the City. She was stunned that I had never watched it before. So shortly after the guys left, we started from season 1 and we will continue and end with the movie! Currently we are in the middle of season 3. Its very addicting, we will stay up til 1am just watching episode after episode. Sunday we will be heading down to RI for the night. She's attending a wedding and I will babysit the kiddos. Must think of some fun lil things to do with the 3 of them. Prob a walk, a movie, and have no clue what else. Monday we will come home and I have a Legion Aux meeting around 7 so that will be nice. Well I am gonna cut this short, nothing good to say right now. I WILL BE HAPPY TODAY!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

A day in the life of Monkey

Age: 9 months

Favorite foods: Green beans, raviolis, sweet potato puffs, and pizza crust

Least Favorite foods: Nothing LOL She likes EVERYTHING!

Favorite book: I See Me (baby Einstein), Ten Little Ladybugs

Milestones: Pushes walker around house, stands on own for up to 30 seconds

Teeth: 4

Words: Mama, Dada, Yeah, Whats dat?, Hi, Bye, da(dog)

Challenges: Her right foot still turns in and the bones in her lower right leg are a a bit curved so walking has proven to be a challenge, she keeps tripping up on her foot and then drags it behind her. Doctor is not worried for another 3 months... grrrr

Misc: I can put her hair in a lil pony on top of her head! Its super cute!!!

No sugar coating here

Little Edit: I LOVE my husband, I LOVE my kids, please dont take anything the wrong way. I wouldnt change anything for the world, they are my life. But I am in a sad and confusing time right now. And this is truely how I feel . Dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all.

I know what's been bugging me so much lately. I am home all day and I take care of 2 little people that need me to do stuff for them. Then I have a husband who needs stuff so I have to be on top of what I need to send him and be there when he needs a shoulder to vent to. Then there's my uncle who has expectations for me that I try to fulfill (although I don't think I will ever be able to). At the end of every day, I feel so drained and worn down that there is nothing left inside me except frustration, anger, and deep down to the bone sadness.

I am an invisible entity to those around me. My sole purpose in this life is what they need from me and heaven help me if I don't perform. Well guess what? I'm, I'm sick and tired. Would a thank you kill them? (I say them, even though I refer to mainly one in particular… the one that’s actually HERE stateside) Would a small gesture of hey I appreciate you be too much for them to muster up? I don't want to be invisible anymore. I want someone to notice and to care not because I'm upset, but because they honestly can look into my eyes and know I need it. I would love a letter right now filled with anything remotely sounding like he cared. Even a sentence or two. Anything, because I'm starving for some sort of affection right now and to know that I really do matter to someone.

I can briefly see it in my little girls, they way they love me. But sometimes, on the bad days with Peanut (and there are a lot of those) it almost feels like she blames me for what is happening. Now she has never come out and actually said this, but as her mother I am so in tuned to her, I can feel it. I wish I could erase the bad days. I wish they would end. I wish I could make them better for her, easier to handle in her own little mind. I am just fortunate that I don’t have to deal with this deployment with two lil ones her age. But considering I think hes going to be a lifer, this is prob not going to be my last deployment. Hopefully this will give me the knowledge and understanding I need to handle it again.

I must confess: After I reread this post, I almost erased it. But then I thought to myself, this is a deployment, this IS how I am feeling. No reason to sugar coat it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

So its been 3 months since he left, random updates

And I need to get back on the bandwagon of this blog!!!!!!!!!

I am officially one quarter of the way through this deployment! Yay!!! Joe had sent the girls a DVD of himself reading two stores to them. One of those stories was "The Little Engine That Could". I keep telling myself to be like the lil blue engine "I Think I can, I think I can!"

I struggle daily to keep my emotions in check. I feel like sometimes I just want to scream and cry out loud, and at other times I am happy as a clam. I hate being on a emotional rollar coaster ride, as if I haven't been on one my whole life anyway. Eventually I will get off and ride something calmer, like maybe "Its a small world".

I have sent a few boxes over to him, and each time I do, I get very excited thinking about him opening them up. The look on his face must be one of joy... at least I hope it is! I love to give him the chance to have a little piece of home with him, even if he is over 6,000 miles away.

The girls and I have kept VERY busy these last few months, hence why I haven't really posted. We have been to almost every state in New England and New York. I have very much enjoyed not being home. The memories here haunt me more then walking through a graveyard on Halloween night. I see him everywhere I turn. I hear his voice even though I know its not there. His pictures melt my heart, and make me miss him even more. I am extremely proud to be his wife. Even though he is having some struggles over there, ones I cannot possibly understand, I know in my heart that he tries his hardest. He is very proud to be a soldier, and I am even more proud of him for serving our country and fighting for our freedom. Without men and women like Joe and the rest of the 747, who knows what state this country would be in today.

We did get to see our handsome soldier back in the middle of August. What a wonderful 4 days weekend that was! We went up to Old Orchard Beach and spent countless hours on the water as a family. We brought his lil sis along to babysit one night, and the two of us went out and THOROUGHLY enjoyed ourselves ;-) No presents left behind for mommy though, if ya know what I mean LOL.
Well I gotta run to go pick up Peanut, shes in Preschool now!!! Can you beleive it?? BTW the cast came off officially the end of August! Thank God thats over with! Here are a few pics for your enojoyment. Monkey sure has gotten BIG! Shes 9 months old now!